sitting alone in silence

I am sitting alone in the silence of my house today after being out of work for three days. My wife has taken our son to the dr since he is a runny nose, pitiful, mess.

I have been out of work since Wednesday, I called out sick because I felt achy and nauseous. I thought it was just because of the steroid I was taking to fight the poison ivy I found while riding my mountain bike. While at the Dr’s office I had some of the worst diarrhea I have ever had. I still felt horrible. While there my heart rate dropped and blood pressure went crazy and eventually had the entire office in with me. They call 911 and went to the hospital again.My wife and son were there to watch me get a white a sheet and start sweating like crazy. It was scary and I concerned me for them to see me like that.

I spent the entire day in the hospital. They gave me 3 liters of fluid and sent me home with the dr’s orders to rest for the next couple days and follow-up with my primary care dr. I went this morning to my primary care doctors. (I really like my primary care doctors.) He listened to my heart and heard something that was a bit amiss. I was hooked up to an EKG machine and again and it showed that my heart does skip beats and/or  has something weird going on electronically. They got me an appointment with a cardiologist this afternoon. He said it could be caffeine, stress, and/ or  genetic.

This would really change the way I thought God was leading us at this point in our life.  I have felt like God was leading us towards Army Chaplaincy. A couple weeks ago my wife and I went to GA and met with North American Mission Board. It was a good time and worth another post later.

I am not sure what this means for my Army chaplaincy or Army at all. It might mean that I am ineligible for it. I am trusting God to get me through but while I am now listening to Meredith Andrews’ song “Can anyone hear me?”

I am sad and wondering what is happening and why it is happening.

God I need you I need to hold me now as I seem to be barely hanging on…

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