as a blogger…hopefully not any other way.
I have not posted in a lot time. I apologize. Here is just few of my crazy mixed up thoughts.
Some random thoughts… in no particular order.
- I am ready to move on! Switchfoot has a new song called “restless” and that is how I find myself some time. It is so hard to move on and let go.
- I am tired of the hurt and pain that being laid off has caused me and my
ministry or family. I wish it was not the first thing I tell people. I so wrestle with who I am when people ask what I do. I am tired of that being one of the things I talk with my few friends about.
- I feel so alone other than my wife in this world. I feel like the friends that I used to have are so busy that they don’t have much time to talk and listen even as I used to drop all my church work to talk them about stuff when things were reversed.
- I am tired of my family living life with a job that causes us to be so stressed over money for gas and food. I am ready for my heart to heal to a point. Part of me wants to get over it and another part wants to be real, open, and raw and continue to walk into the new depth of my relationship with God.
- I believe that need to find some place to serve and that makes me uncomfortable because that means putting myself out there and being vulnerable.
I am thankful for the positive changes that have happened in my life.
- I am in better shape than I was. I have lost about 25lbs and am able to run 3-4 miles with really little effort. I have completed a Duathlon (3.1 mile run, 16 mile bike ride, and 1.9 mile run) in 1 hr 44 mins. I really would like to do a 10k run. I have read about that distance and think that it might be a great distance for me to focus on for running. I am not sure why I have all of a sudden just really liked running and seeing the progress physically and mentally I have made running. Usually I really find some peace biking but I have really craved just getting outside
- I do think I have a better reliance on the Gospel and better confidence on what Christ did for me on the cross I believe that it has changed my walk with God in a drastic way. I find myself much more trusting in the sovereignty of God… instead of me trying to make something happen.
- I do not miss cable TV. I will miss it some during football season, but there really is not much on TV.
- I have enjoyed reading so many interesting and exciting books.
I am not sure what is next for me but I think I will attempt to post more to make sense of my thoughts/ feelings.
Life is… so short, painful, and hard.
Today, I learned that a student at the local high school committed suicide last night. This is such a tragedy and a dark day for many of the students. My heart is breaking with them.
I found out while listening to the students today that people where texting her and telling her through a website called formspring that she was fat,ugly, and should kill herself. I am not naive to believe that this is totally what caused her to take her own life. But my questions are why would someone purposely open themselves to to let people sin and say things like that to her. People do not need any encouragement to be mean!
Life is… more than stuff. We are designed for more. God created us to have a relationship with us. We are made in God’s image and yet many teenagers do not see themselves as made in God’s image. They see themselves as accidents, mess-ups, wastes of time, and unwanted. The find their parents to busy for them. I have and 3-4 local churches have conducted surveys of our students and EVERYONE of the groups of students wanted more time with their parents. I believe every child desires to know they are wanted and loved by their parents. I believe many parents think if they give their child lots of stuff, like the newest and greatest gadget or clothes, then their child will love them more. I have seen in the students lives that is not usually the case.
Life is …about abundant life. God created us for the purpose of having a relationship with Him. He even said that I love you so much that I sent (John 3:16-18) my Son to restore our relationship. There is nothing that we can do or even need to do! God has already paid our debt and redeemed us. It is because of His Grace. So to every teenager who is struggling and feels like no one cares or God has already said once and for that He cares. He wants that relationship, to give that abundant life.
If you are hurting and need to talk, call 1-800-273-TALK
I am not a song writer and definitely not a singer but I truly love the lyrics to this song. It has been on the radio a lot lately and it speaks to my heart so much. Thank you Jesus My Savior. Forgive me for not reflecting you through all of this but please please let me from now REFLECT YOUR GLORY IN MY LIFE!
In this life I know what I’ve been
But here in your arms I know what I am
I’m forgiven I’m forgiven
And I dont have to carry
The weight of who I’ve been Cause I’m forgiven
My mistakes are running through my mind
And I’ll relive my days, in the middle of the night
And I struggle with my pain, wrestle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone, and I cry
When I don’t fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ
‘Cause I’m forgiven
via Sanctus Real – Forgiven 2009 Video & Lyrics.